Fall Cleaning

Brace yourselves. /nedstark

All the “Our country is going to fall apart because my presidential candidate didn’t win” posts are coming.
Personally, I dread what Facebook is going to look like, because I am going to have to bite my tongue to keep from making these people angry. And it doesn’t matter who wins, this will happen on either side. I’m even sure you will get one or two stragglers that will say it because their third party candidate didn’t win. Who wouldn’t have anyway.

Well it seems to me, this is a good time to clean out your Facebook feed, or friends list. But we don’t want to just blindly remove everyone who complains they didn’t win. I mean, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Occasionally, someone close to us might have been so emotionally invested that they just need to vent. That is fine. We don’t want to remove them because they need to let off steam, and have earned the right to do so.

So, how do we make a difference between the person complaining from blind ignorance, and the devoted, intelligent pundit?

I propose a test. I say for each political complaint, check that person’s profile. If they are a fan of Nickelback, remove them. Otherwise, they are safe.

Now, I know you are asking, “why Nickleback?” Or you may just be the kind of person that doesn’t need to do this because you already make sure you have not friends who are fans of Nickleback. In that case, I commend you.

Anyway, I say Nickleback because of the simple reason I believe if you are a fan of Nickleback, it is most likely because you are so completely melded into the hivemind of popular culture, that the only reason you are complaining your candidate didn’t win is because you just want the world to know that your candidate didn’t win. You aren’t trying to add anything to an intelligent exchange. You are just wanting to prove to everyone else that you have an opinion. There is nothing thought provoking about this. There is nothing revolutionary about this. This is nothing but a waste of the 1.2 seconds it takes for us to read and realize you are an easily led lemming marching your way with the group to the cliff.

Go ahead and jump.

I’m betting, that for every person on your Facebook feed that meets these criteria, you can look at their post history and see a countless number of other pointless posts. “I just did a massive number 2 in the toilet.” They probably even took a sepia picture of it with Instagram. Now, don’t get me wrong. Facebook is often nothing more than a conglomerate of ego-inflating information being posted for the public to read to increase the already highly inflated opinion of ourselves. There is nothing wrong with this. I fanboy out all the time on Facebook, and many times just so my other nerd friends can bask in the geekdom of what I wanted to share. This is just our nature. Humans are social creatures. However, there are those that are obviously trying too hard. Those that latch on to the teet of the social mind and suckle more than their little bellies can take. They do nothing but give themselves a tummy ache, and prevent the rest of us pups from getting the nourishment that we also require. These people do nothing but social harm to themselves and everyone else that has to put up with them.

And my theory is that they are all Nickleback fans.

Now, I’m not saying all Nickleback fans are a social leech. Everyone is entitled to a poor opinion in entertainment. My wife is constantly letting me know how bad Coheed and Cambria is. Her opinion is wrong, but it’s cute that she is trying. But I’m betting if someone is willing to complain about the obvious of their candidate not winning (as I am sure up to this point they have made it very obvious who their candidate is), and they are a Nickleback fan, then we just need to let them go. Remove them from the bounds of your friends list. Allow them to freely find their place in the wilds of Honey Boo Boo’s absent minded culture.

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